“I like the way your hair goes around your head like that.” - a very charismatic blind date in "Kissing Jessica Stein".
Reading the New Yorker article by Nick Paumgarten, “Online Dating: Sex, Love, and Loneliness”, reminded me of all the reasons why I have never really been keen to online dating. I understand that it is difficult to meet people if you work long hours or you aren't in environments where you would meet new people, but I always felt that dating sites were limiting. Aside from the possibility that people wouldn't be completely honest, you are deciding what types of people you will meet. The sites funnel through people based on silly questions, like what your favorite kind of food is or what color eyes you prefer, and you miss out on everyone else. And there is no guarantee that the types of people you like will like you.
I, personally, have been surprised by the types of people who I’ve been attracted to. Sometimes there is no real comprehensive reason for liking a person. If Jessica Stein had joined a dating site, I’m sure she wouldn't have ever gotten the chance to be with Helen because she more than likely would have glanced at Helen’s dating profile and kept moving. People limit themselves to “types” without ever thinking of all of the people that they are missing out on having possible relationships with. Even if people have to work through their differences, they could still experience fulfilling relationships. At the end of Kissing Jessica Stein, for example, both Jessica and Helen remained friends. Even though their relationship had ended, they were happy and they taken something away from the experience.
“Kissing Jessica Stein” also made me think about the documentary turned MTV series “Catfish”, a show about people who are not very honest about themselves when they romance others via the internet. When Helen made the ad in the personals, her friend was telling her why it was important to pick a quote and weed through certain types of people (namely those who are unintelligent). Helen was marketing herself based on what she wanted the other person to be like. Although this case isn’t as extreme as the ones in “Catfish”, it makes a very interesting point. We want to see all of our best qualities in the other person. But, what if we don’t actually have these qualities or what if our worst qualities outshine them? Are we being fair to the other person? Are we being fair to ourselves? We all want someone worthy of us, but we don’t think about what it is we have to offer.
Prior to the discussions and readings we've done in the first half of this class, love, especially within films and books, seemed esoteric to me. In my mind, things like infidelity, especially extramarital affairs, were black and white. I didn't think that romantic love existed; I considered it glorified lust. I've always been rather cynical. To be honest, I still don’t believe in the concept of romantic love, and I still hold my principal views on many of these things, but I've grown to acknowledge that it’s wiser to adjust to situations because love and desire are much more complex than simply ‘right’ and ‘wrong’.
It was very interesting to see love within different contexts. It’s nice to have a new framework of thought when I watch or read romantic stories. Even if I disagree with some of the concepts expressed in some of the reading, its advantageous to have those ideas floating around in my mind. I’m really excited for the lecture part of the class because I would like to see the versatility of love.
