Oppressed Female Expressions of Sexual Desire?

Kifah Hannah’s lecture “Ethics and Desire in Contemporary Levantine Literature” reminded me a lot of the homoerotic comic books (known as Boys Love or Yaoi) from Japan that have become popular in the US and other parts of the world. Kifah Hanna spoke about a love for beautiful young boys and stories that depict foreigners coming to teach young boys about homosexuality. Both of these themes are very prevalent in Japanese homoerotic comics. Often, the object of affection within the story is a young boy who is beautiful and supple (the only thing differentiating him from being a female is the genital region). There are also many stories in which these beautiful young boys are saved or (more often) held captive by foreigners. For the most part, these foreigners are English noblemen or Maharajas from India. The young boys are taught about homosexual love from these older men and come to accept their own sexuality.

         Because she spoke mainly about homosexual relationships in novels written by women, I couldn’t help but make the connection. It made me wonder if the ways in which these women wrote about male homosexuality was also a way to express sexual desires that are normally hindered by oppressive female responsibilities (having to marry, give birth, and serving their husband) in the way that Japanese women express themselves through stories of male homoeroticism. Could these female writers find freedom in exploring sexuality through the body of their male characters?

"Yard Work is Hard Work" But So Are Relationships

I really enjoyed Jodie Mack’s animation, “Yard Work is Hard Work”, namely because of the catchy songs and her amazing use of magazine clippings. But I also really liked it because the couple in the story tried to work through their problems instead of giving up. Many couples call it quits when things get hard and nothing can be more emotionally distressing than money problems. They cried with each other, they fought with each other, but in the end they tried their best work through it.

I took the renovation of their house to symbolize a renovation of their relationship. They both agreed that they needed to make a change and they worked very hard to do it. Yet, in the end they did not win the competition, even after all of the hard work on their house. I took this loss to also mean that even though they tried hard at their relationship, something still wasn’t right. I interpreted the end of the animation as having the message that even after a couple works really hard at their relationship, sometimes things just don’t work out. The ambiguity of the ending made me think that the couple had two choices: try again, or give-up. Regardless, I admire the character for trying hard in the first place, especially in a world where it has become the standard to just give up.

Communication

            I really enjoyed the variety of poems that Garren Small offered during his lecture. It touched on a lot of different but equally powerful types of love and desire, some of which we have not addressed much in class, such as his poems about parental love, or feeling the power of seeing someone else’s love from afar. The hustle and bustle of city life in many of his poems highlighted the importance of communication and the difficulties that come with attaining it, something that Small seemed particularly passionate about. His poems had the warmth of a content love along with the coldness that comes with being alone in a crowd of people.

            In many questions that have to do with morality, I often find myself saying that the answer is communication. How can you protect your daughters from the hegemonic representations of women in the media? Talk with them. How do you protect your sons from the ever growing ease of access to pornographic images? Discuss it with them. How do you help someone grieve for a lost loved one? Get over a break-up? Apologize for doing something wrong? The answer is always communication.

           But Small’s lecture helped remind me that communication is not only a solution but a preventative. It’s a way to stay on a path, not just to get back onto it once we’ve strayed. Communication can keep a relationship alive, not just revive it. Many people forget about communicating with each other until the relationship is already at its breaking point. Yet, Small’s poetry still left me with the question of why we sometimes find it so difficult to share what we are feeling and thinking with others. Is it because we are afraid of being honest with the other person, or is it because we are afraid of being honest with ourselves?

Love on the Brain

I’ve heard people say that they were addicted to love. I’ve had friends that would fall in love over and over again, only to give up on the relationship after a brief amount of time to fall in love with someone else. I had thought people like this were silly. Their loves were so numerous there was no way that they got the chance to get to know the people that they “loved”, but nonetheless they were obsessed and possessive and would torture themselves while waiting for the cellphone to ring. How pathetic, I thought, until I listen to Dr. Lucy Brown’s lecture and explored her website (seeyourfeelings.com).

Suddenly instead of pity, I felt sympathy for not only the serial daters, but anyone who fell in love. This delusion seems to be completely out of their hands. They are so excited by these chemical reactions in their brains and feelings spreading throughout their bodies that they don’t have a chance to step outside of the situation and ask themselves if they really even know the person that they say they’re in love with.

This scientific aspect of love and desire only furthers the idea that it is so easy to be in love with love that it doesn’t even matter who the person you are in love with really is. This helps explain why people are so surprised when the person they are in a relationship with does something wrong, such as cheating, and why people are so ready to take that same person back time after time. It’s easy to fall into the trap of loving being in love, rather than loving the person you’re with.

Love Slave

I really enjoyed Dr. Anthony Reed’s lecture, “Slavery’s Interior--Cinema and the Performative Traumas of History”. Looking at representations of race through the context of “perfomative traumas” was much more inclusive than simply looking at race in the media.

Dr. Reed explained that the slaves are portrayed as being innocent and the enslavers, guilty. The enslavers either have a change of heart or they are defeated. This made me think of Conchita and Žižek’s idea of the masochistic man being enslaved by the women. The women, or the enslavers, are not defeated in the typical villain sense when it comes to stories of sexual desire. Instead, the women is conquered and this obviously happens when the man finally has sex with her.

In further comparison, when Dr. Reed defined slavery as “the art of keeping alive someone who would rather die”, the idea of being slaves to love becomes even more ridiculous. Even as the masochistic slave, the man is inherently in control. When he feels that he is so in love, to the point where he wants to die, he is the only one keeping himself alive. The woman is a pseudo-enslaver. The man can successfully enslave himself, the woman is just there for show. This is clear in Conchita. Two different actresses can play the same role because it doesn’t matter. She is just for show. The real love is all in the mind of the beholder, the slave.

"Before Sunset"

I am not surprised that it took nine years for Jesse and Celine to meet again. I would have said that I was surprised that they met again at all, but the fact that there is another movie was a giveaway. I was however, surprised that Jesse waited for Celine at their meeting place nine years before. I was sure that they would have both be absentees. Even so, I can’t help but think that Jesse was holding his breath and hoping that she wouldn’t show up while he was waiting.

As in the first movie, while Celine maintains a slightly more grounded view of their relationship, it seems that Jesse treats his relationship with Celine as a fantasy come to life, or an adventure. The time restraints and the tension constantly flowing between them adds to this. The ending is just as much a thrill for Jesse as it is for the audience. Will he stay? Will he go? What will become of these two people who clearly have chemistry?

I think the answer lies within the questions themselves. If he stays, we will no longer have to wonder what will happen. If they start a long-term relationship with each other, the thrill will cease to exist. So it makes sense that they are hesitant. Once again, both are in unfulfilling relationships and both feel the immediate relief of being with each other. Jesse even admits (right after he talks about how displeased he is with his wife) to having dreams about a life with Celine. He is constantly comparing his real relationship with his wife to his dream relationship with Celine.

Yet, they both know that if he stays and they turn their relationship into something more substantial, there is a chance of things falling apart. But then again, there is the much more appealing choice of separating, longing for each other, and fixating on memories that will always be happy and perfect; memories that they can use to write bestselling books and heartwarming songs. So even if he misses that plane, that doesn’t mean that he won’t be on the next one.

Real Sex and Desire

              Steve Almond was an inspirational speaker, especially for the creative writers in the audience. In my experience, the hardest part of creative writing is getting past the constant embarrassment of your own work. As Almond read his erotic stories he seemed to be unabashed. Yet there was still an organic awkwardness and a discomfort that surrounded the situation. Almond deflected this awkwardness from overpowering the audience with clever humor but he did not deny its presence.
          I personally enjoy reading and writing about the oddities of love, desire, and sex. The things that make people gag or shutter or wince are the things that I find the most interesting. I find it fascinating that although these moments are not as appealing as they are portrayed in movies or in books, people always go back for more.
              Almond’s story “Skull” specifically encompassed a lot of the things that we have discussed in class. The story emphasized how the psychology of desire supersedes the physical aspect in most situations. Desire stems from certain insecurities and uncertainties within us, as well as the things we wished we could receive from other people. Almond’s stories brought attention to the side of desire that isn’t so glamorous, but is extremely important. As he expressed, the type of desire that seems to be blemish-free (such as pornography) lacks the most essential parts of desire: the emotion.
              I believe that there is an overwhelming need to portray sex to be something that it is not. It is glorified to an extent that any realistic sexual encounter seems sub-par. People are becoming more and more obsessed with attaining the types of sex they see in movies or on television. Not only does this give people unrealistic expectations of sex, but unrealistic expectations of their sexual partners as well. People are expected to have perfect bodies that perform on cue. Children are growing up to think that they will never be loved if they can’t become these perfect, sexual beings and teens are treating sex as if it were merely a set of actions, detached from any emotional or mental states. This could be why people feel so uncomfortable listening to stories like “Skull”. It does not fit into the pre-constructed confines of what sex and desire is “supposed” to be.

Female Representations in "Halfaouine"

         In the film, Halfaouine, the female body was very important for the main character’s coming of age. There were many scenes from the perspective of the young boy, Noura, of women in the bathhouse. Dr. Robert Lang even spoke about how these scenes of nude women in the bathhouse would have been considered gratuitous if they weren’t so important to Noura’s developing sexulality throughout the film. Dr. Lang’s lecture had a lot to do with the male perspective of the film, which makes sense considering that the Tunisia depicted in the film was patriarchal. 
        Yet I couldn’t help but think of all of the various films I have seen that revolved around a boy becoming a man and finding his sexuality through a woman’s naked body. But what about girls? There is hardly ever talk of women coming into their sexuality. Where is a girl supposed to look to find her sexuality? 
Although Halfaouine addresses the police state of Tunisia, using Noura and his experiences as  an allegory of the changing country, I couldn’t help but feel that female sexuality was overlooked. It seems that in these movies where women’s bodies are objects or catalysts for an essential development in a man’s sexuality, there is an implication that women’s sexuality is always there, just latent, waiting for a man. There are a few instances of women who took charge of their own lives, such as Noura’s divorced aunt. But this does not equal the mounting number of women who were simply looked at with lascivious eyes by the men in the film.
This isn’t unlike the representation of women in American media. Women are often depicted as being constantly sexually aroused, just waiting for a man to “release” them. The representation in Halfaouine isn’t as vulgar as American media, but the women are mostly portrayed as objects. 

Love and Crime in the Penny Press

             It was very clear, in the Dr. Elizabeth Burt’s lecture, “Love and Desire in the Penny Press”, as well as the reading, that the Penny Press and other newspapers did not hesitate to reveal the love in its most unfortunate forms. With headlines pairing the words love and murder, I couldn't help but wonder how this wave of gossip articles would affect the society around it. When we watch romantic movies today or when we read harlequin books, we can't help but think about how our lives would be different if we had a love like that.
            I asked if Dr. Burt thought that people acted out or committed crimes in order to appear in these newspapers because I couldn't help but wonder if these stories were seen as cautionary tales or as a window into fame. Today we have shows that are very similar to the stories in the Penny Press. There are reality TV shows where people fight over gossip and there are shows like 16 & Pregnant. These shows don't necessarily put those unfortunate situations into a positive light, but because the people in these shows become common household names, we see it as a quick way to fame if you are willing to sacrifice pride and dignity.
           These crimes of passion seem to have been facilitated by the possibility of being included in the ever popular newspapers. Perhaps the love was something that happened naturally, but the downfall of the relationship might have happened because of how conscious everyone in society was about relationship, or more specifically, the end of relationships. Similar to how people today are very concerned with starting relationships so that they can either live out the fairytale that they see in movies or on television, or they can imitate the chaos that makes other people famous. .   

Ancient Art, Love, and Zeus

Dr. Richard Freund’s lecture, “Love and Desire: Examples from Ancient Art and Archaeology”, offered an interesting insight into the depiction of love in religious and mythological icons. People tend to go crazy for anything within a religious context that is erotic, but they hardly ever consider its connotations within the time period in which it was born.

Zeus, for example, was a very interesting god, not just in his actions, but in the ways that he is perceived today. What I knew of Zeus growing up was what I learned from the Disney movie, “Hercules” and from the little I learned when we took a regrettably small detour through mythology in my high school literature class freshmen year. What I collected from the little information that I was given was that Zeus was bad-ass. He was the Greek god to aspire to--the ruler of the gods. He could hurl thunderbolts, for goodness sake!  

My ideals of Zeus were soon shattered when I read the poem “Leda and the Swan”, by William Butler Yeats, in which Zeus takes the form of a swan and rapes Leda (who later gives birth to Helen of Troy). But, new perceptions emerged. Sure, Zeus wasn’t this awesome, righteous god anymore, but I began to harbor some perverse admiration for him. He did whatever he wanted, unabashedly (and he still hurled thunderbolts).

As Dr. Freund expressed in his lecture, love and desire is how a particular person perceives something. I found this to be very profound. When Dr. Freund brought up the painting of Leda and Zeus in swan form, I knew exactly what was being depicted. And although, in retrospect, the painting seemed very gentle and loving (the way Dr. Freund initially saw it), Yeats’ words from his poem-- “How can those terrified vague fingers push the feathered glory from her loosening thighs?”--  were swimming through my head and all I saw was a strange and horrible rape.

At first sight, that painting appeared to tell a completely different story to someone who did not know the mythology of Leda and the swan. So, it is no surprise that people can convince themselves of things like "love at first sight". You know nothing of the person but what you initially perceive of them, and it can be easy to hold on to this idea even when you have evidence that says otherwise.

Love After Divorce

I was disappointed that I was unable to attend Dr. Aimee Miller-Ott’s lecture, but I was glad that I was able to listen to it via podcast. I was very interested in the changes in the way people approached relationships after divorce. I was namely interested in the differences between the types of qualities that people find important in a partner before marriage and the qualities that are important after divorce.

I remember watching a documentary on the discovery channel a long time ago about the types of things that people look for in another person when attempting to start a new relationship. While the women that were interviewed said that they were more interested in stability (whether or not the man had money or a job), the men were more interested in the women’s outward appearance. Some of the women even said that they wouldn’t mind if the man wasn’t very handsome as long as he could provide a stable lifestyle. I couldn’t help but wonder if people looked for the same qualities in people after divorce.

Dr. Miller-Ott spoke about online dating and how people can openly say that they are divorced or have children (things that would normally be “deal breakers” for younger people). I wasn’t very surprised that there was more of a no-nonsense way of approaching relationships. I do, however, think that it is very interesting that there is a lot of face-saving behavior. I never really thought about all of sensitivity that comes with explaining your past relationship to potential partners. Because of past transgressions within the relationship, people fear judgement from others. For example, if someone tells you that they were dumped, you can’t help but wonder what they did wrong, even if the break-up was a combination of things coming from both parties. With marriage, the break-up is amplified because there are bigger components of the relationship, such as children, vows, and shared property.

I think this lecture touched an aspect of romantic relationships that hasn’t really been prevalent in many of the movies or novels that we have read in class. What happens after the relationship with the person that was supposed to be “the one” ends and people seek someone new?

Politics and Love

I will be completely honest and admit that some of Dr. Catherine Borck’s lecture went right over my head. Whenever I hear the word “politics” my palms get sweaty and I get a little dizzy. But there were many things that she brought up in her lecture that really stood out in my mind.

Dr. Borck discussed Carl Schmitt’s saying, “The enemy is our own question as a figure.” When I first thought about what this might mean, I understood it to mean that the enemy is the manifestation of our uncertainties or concerns. But when Dr. Borck spoke about the friend, enemy, and fraternity being combined, my interpretation of the saying changed. I began to see it as a way of saying that we are defined by our enemies. Similar to the way that people see what they want in the person that they love instead of the actual person. What we see as the bad in our enemies is reflective of the bad in us. This saying becomes even more impressive when considering that it is not referring to just one person but a group of people.

Dr. Borck also spoke about the quote by Plato, “Justice is doing good to friends and harm to enemies.” I had heard this quote before, but within the context of this class, I was taken aback by its aggressively active stance. When I think back to the novels we read or movies we watched, Plato’s idea of Justice rings true. More often than not, the enemy of the novel is the main character’s self. The character simultaneously does “good” to himself or herself while causing also “harm”. In Madame Bovary, for example, Emma indulges in her desires for someone other than her horribly boring husband while also harming herself by entering into risky affairs and physically harming herself. The justice is done at the end of the novel when the character gets what she thought that she wanted (good to friend) and then she dies (harm to enemy).

Dr. Borck’s lecture offered some very interesting insights into the topics that we have already been discussing in class. I never would have thought that politics and the concepts of love could come together outside of an espionage romance novel. It is interesting to see how the ideas and concepts of love from many different concentrations of study fit together.

"Before Sunrise"

          The love between Jesse and Celine in "Before Sunrise" blossomed and progressed because of the conversations that they shared with each other, but I also believe that what they perceived of each other at first glance (whether it was love, lust, or just interest) played a big part in whether or not the conversation would have taken place to begin with. During the scene where they were pretending to talk on the phone with their friends, Celine admitted (indirectly) that she had sat next to Jesse on purpose. The argument could be made that Jesse, who was the first to speak, also spoke to her based on her looks. He saw a pretty woman sit down next to him and could assume that she was intelligent from the book she was reading, sensible from the way she avoided the arguing couple, and eager by the way she looked at him several times when she sat down across from him. Maybe it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but the cynical side of me is convinced that the rest of the movie never would have happened if Celine looked like Bea Arthur or if Jesse had a clubbed foot.
          Cynicism aside, their feelings for each other seemed more immediately mutual than it would have if their relationship was simply based on love at first sight. There wasn’t really a game of cat and mouse. Their objectives had more to do with intellectual intimacy than physical intimacy which, in my opinion, resulted in a more stable outcome than pure lust would have. This is evident when Celine stops to think about whether or not they should have sex and they talk about wanting to meet again. This movie also asks the audience what the difference is between being with someone for years or spending a short 24 hours with them.  Not asking “what’s the difference?” as if to imply that there is no difference, but really asking the audience, “What is the difference?” Is it possible to have a fulfilling relationship with someone you’ve known for hours as you would with someone you’ve known for years? Does liking each other mean that you have to be together, or can one encounter be enough?
          Because the movie brings so much attention to the length and progression of relationships that have been deemed the norm and how Celine and Jesse’s relationship breaks this norm, I don’t think that they will meet again in six months. They both have dealt with their own sad versions of long term relationships and they both seemed a little bitter because of them. If they don’t meet again, then they can keep this perfect memory of their relationship and prevent those memories from being ruined by a break-up or a bad experience. 

"Annie Hall"

There were many instances where gender roles and stereotypes were supported in Woody Allen's film, "Annie Hall". The most prominent instances had to do with female stereotypes. Annie mentioned that a tennis match where the men played against the women wasn't “fair” and Annie called Alvy over to her house because she was afraid of a spider. These type of situations reinforce the role of the women being weaker or helpless. Annie was also portrayed as being a terrible driver, which goes along with the stereotype that women are bad drivers (a stereotype that I personally resent). And throughout the movie, Alvy says to Annie (and also to the cartoon wicked queen from Snow White) that she must be upset because she is on her period (I lied before, I hate this stereotype the most).

There were many stereotypes about men presented in this film as well, Alvy’s libido being the most obvious. Alvy is very concerned with sex and it is the downfall of many of his relationships. He isn’t getting enough in one relationship, he isn’t giving enough in the other. When he is not receiving enough sex, and constantly asks for it or complains about it, his character is feeding into the stereotype that men are way too concerned about sex (while the woman denying sex  because she is "tired" or "has a headache" is just being the “typical” woman).

"Annie Hall" also made me reevaluate the importance of sex within a relationship. From the movie, "Kissing Jessica Stein", it became clear that love without sex, even something that appears to be romantic love, plateaus into intense friendship. So, sex is arguably important to romantic relationships. But "Annie Hall" brings up the concept of sex as a way to gauge the relationship. It is no longer about whether or not the couple is having sex, but what kind of sex. If someone needs “artificial stimulation” in order to have sex, is there something wrong with the relationship? If a couple needs to use a “large vibrating egg” during sex, is there something wrong with their relationship? In today's society, most couples would see a large vibrating egg as something new and exciting- a way to spice up the relationship- but Alvy seemed to disagree.

I think sex can be a useful indicator of the status of the relationship, but there are some instances when a quirk might not have anything to do with the relationship at all. Sex is something intimate that is shared between two (or more) people, but it also has a lot to do with the individual. It's like eating. Just because someone isn't hungry, doesn't mean that they never want to eat again. Focusing too much on sex, the way Alvy did, can greatly hinder a relationship because although it is an important aspect of romantic love, it isn't the only aspect.