Love After Divorce

I was disappointed that I was unable to attend Dr. Aimee Miller-Ott’s lecture, but I was glad that I was able to listen to it via podcast. I was very interested in the changes in the way people approached relationships after divorce. I was namely interested in the differences between the types of qualities that people find important in a partner before marriage and the qualities that are important after divorce.

I remember watching a documentary on the discovery channel a long time ago about the types of things that people look for in another person when attempting to start a new relationship. While the women that were interviewed said that they were more interested in stability (whether or not the man had money or a job), the men were more interested in the women’s outward appearance. Some of the women even said that they wouldn’t mind if the man wasn’t very handsome as long as he could provide a stable lifestyle. I couldn’t help but wonder if people looked for the same qualities in people after divorce.

Dr. Miller-Ott spoke about online dating and how people can openly say that they are divorced or have children (things that would normally be “deal breakers” for younger people). I wasn’t very surprised that there was more of a no-nonsense way of approaching relationships. I do, however, think that it is very interesting that there is a lot of face-saving behavior. I never really thought about all of sensitivity that comes with explaining your past relationship to potential partners. Because of past transgressions within the relationship, people fear judgement from others. For example, if someone tells you that they were dumped, you can’t help but wonder what they did wrong, even if the break-up was a combination of things coming from both parties. With marriage, the break-up is amplified because there are bigger components of the relationship, such as children, vows, and shared property.

I think this lecture touched an aspect of romantic relationships that hasn’t really been prevalent in many of the movies or novels that we have read in class. What happens after the relationship with the person that was supposed to be “the one” ends and people seek someone new?